Professional Mom’s Mother’s Day Post!

Mom’s The Boss

If you’ve never had that moment with your child or grandchild when they said, “You’re not the boss!” or behind your back, overheard, “She says that, but she won’t do anything!” Then you either don’t have kids, or you are not paying attention. They have said it, I promise.

If you have heard this and done nothing, shame on you. No wonder the world is in such a chaotic state. It is my opinion that, although this lack of consequences for childish mischief may have made it too late for some (and lack of discipline in the courts have made it worse,) we can only start NOW, with the children in front of us, to make it right.

Ok, so, stepping back a bit, why did I entitle this “Mom’s The Boss’? Speaking from my own experience as a “stay-at-home” mom, it was I who spent 90% of the time with our 6 children. If you are a single mom, you’ve then got 100%, not counting daycare, if you work outside the home. When my kids acted up and needed discipline, I was the one who delivered. I was and still am a believer in “consequences.” Whether that is a switch, a wooden spoon, a paddle, time out (without devices) or manual labor, something’s gotta give! For larger infractions and larger children (teens) sometimes I deferred to “wait ‘til Dad gets home,’ or “Dad and I will have to work out your punishment.” I tried to “build up” the fact that Dad had the first say in all things discipline, with God as his “boss” in the hierarchy of the family.

God is the ultimate Boss.

But you are with the children, whether a stay at home or a working mom (outside the home.) So, you must be ready to deliver on infractions as they come up. I would not be so bold as to say you get up every morning ready for a fight, however, I did have twins (my firsts) that made it hard to just relax and enjoy them!

When I say that Mom is the boss, it means that you should be both respected and respectful. I am not about apologizing to the children for delivering just discipline, however, when there are situations where you need to clarify the crime to make sure the correct punishment is given. “Because I said so” works in some instances, but say, for example, you have two culprits, both with different stories, you are the Judge and Jury in this episode.

What’s a mother to do? Well, I have spoken to moms who are convinced that “time out” works for them. I agree that this is good, especially for smaller children. But what about out and about, what then, time out may not be easy to accomplish. So, as an alternative, some real swift action is warranted, for example, my toddler came out of the store with a mouthful of gum (how did that happen?) I grabbed him and took it out of his mouth and (although inconvenient) went back into the store and gave him money to give the clerk. I’m sure some more intense punishment was dealt later, early bed, no TV, etc., but that teachable moment is something we need to jump on at all costs.

My out-of-town grands hadn’t been living near long and I was thrilled to get to babysit. They are not disciplined with spanking, so I honor their parents’ wishes. However, it was getting a little late and I paused the TV and said, “Let’s all get our jammies on so, you’ll be ready for bedtime.” My granddaughter turned to me and said, “You’re not the boss!” Would you like to see Nanny’s fuse lit?

Wow, it took one second for me to put on a stern (I’m not playing) face, that she may have never seen, and I said, “Oh, when Mommy and Daddy are gone, Nanny IS the boss!” I assured her that I could, in fact, send her to bed NOW! She understood my tone and that I meant it, and complied, which I again call, a teachable moment. Proving, for me, at least, that I’ve still got it!

And finally, all of this means nothing without consistency. You can have fun with your children, but you need to be ready for anything, meaning, teachable moments, out of control moments, sassy moments, lack of manners and disrespect, to both you and others. You have to plan, to keep yourself in check, and not lose your temper.

Ok, are there some things we shouldn’t’ do? As with everything, there are some things you want to watch out for in disciplining children. First and foremost, (and you will do this) don’t offer punishment that you cannot or don’t deliver on. By that I mean, when you are getting ready for a vacation, don’t say, if you do that again we won’t go, you will regret this either that you don’t go or you go anyway, and they learn that you are not good on your word. My suggestion is to make some other punishment, for example, no device or music for the first 100 miles, something like that, but be creative.

Train yourself, as much as possible, to discipline with a stern, calm demeanor. Losing your temper teaches them that anger rules. Plus, you may regret your harshness and have to apologize. That may be necessary but is not good discipline.

Another thing to watch out for is the “one size fits all” punishment. This means that not all children respond to the same discipline. When you get your style, like, Mr. Spanky, the wooden spoon, some children laugh at a pop with a spoon, so there’s that. Plus, this may not work for any older children as you could probably tell. Age matters, temperament matters, your personality matters.

I want to make clear my intention by speaking about this subject. First, children without parental discipline are bound to end up in prison or worse. They learn manners and respect from you. I have a burden for the generation coming up. Some are already off the rails, and it is practically impossible to get them back.

So, my wish for Mother’s Day 2023 is that we all remember that “Mom’s the Boss.”

**** Check out my Mother’s Day Video on my Professional Mom Facebook page, available Friday, April 28th!